Gotcha Day Celebration!

One Year!

We celebrated on the 24th--the day our family was united! We had planted three trees that day, so our celebration was squeezed to the end of the day. But, we put up the Ethiopian flag, got out our Ethiopian cake! Isaiah was so excited to celebrate with cake! (He does have a diaper on! This is a funny picture!)

Quick side note about the cake: Julie is raising money for her family's adoption of a special needs orphan from China. If you are in the Wichita area, please contact her to make you a cake! Ours was so beautiful and YUMMY! Notice how the cake was the color of the Ethiopian flag! :)

Our friends came over to help us celebrate!

Gotcha Day--A Year Later!

A year ago, Chris and I were in Ethiopia to officially add Isaiah to our family! It was different than I had first anticipated because we had already met Isaiah 7 weeks earlier, but there was just nothing sweeter than seeing his little face come around the corner, arms outstretched. Adopting Isaiah has changed our lives in so many ways. I feel so blessed to have him as my son. It hasn't been all easy, but the process of adding him to our family has been good.

We are going to celebrate thoroughly on Saturday, just because today is a hectic day, but I wanted to acknowledge this very special day in our family. We love you, Isaiah!

Here is our adoption video. Fast-forward to 8 minutes to get to the actual Gotcha Day!

E-Group

A couple of weeks ago, we got to eat Ethiopian food with our other Ethiopia families. Isaiah and Chris weren't huge fans of the food, but it is just because neither of them have ever been fans of Ethiopian food! (When we got Isaiah, he never acted like he enjoyed the injera/wat.) Brenda and Darrel did an excellent job cooking! Oh, and Chris was a huge fan of Chad's ribs! I had fun re-tasting it; it was most fun because it "took me back" to Ethiopia! Sydney and Jackson both liked it--go figure! After eating, we headed to the park. The kids had a fun time playing!
Then it was back to the house for some good ole strawberry pie. Yummy!
We are glad that there are other Ethiopians so close! Thanks, Chad and Brenda, for hosting and giving our kids their first taste of Ethiopian cuisine! :)

Great Video

I just found this video about orphans/adoption/being an example of Christ by The Christian Alliance for Orphans. It is so good! Technically, it is promoting Orphan Sunday (November 6), but it is just a good reminder of why we need to be looking for ways to care for orphans. If you are looking for ways to recognize Orphan Sunday, check out this website: http://orphansunday.org/.

Orphan Sunday 2011 from Christian Alliance for Orphans on Vimeo.

Before and After!

One very special part of our adoption journey includes the Fleming family. We met when we were in the middle of our adoption process, and they soon followed by starting their own adoption journey. When we went to Ethiopia for our first trip, we found out shortly after arriving that the Flemings had received their referral! We were hoping and praying this would happen so that we could go take pictures for them.

Here is their little Elias when we saw him last August.When we traveled in September, we got to go again! It was so sweet to get to share in their story by loving him for Chad and Brenda.
So, yesterday, I just kept re-living these visits because little Elias isn't so little, and he was playing in our kitchen all morning. My heart was just moved with the reality that these little boys will get to grow up together. I am so thankful for the way God orchestrated our friendship and allowed us to be a part of Elias' story, too.

Contemplating the Difference 6 Months Makes

I have had the chance lately to reflect on the past six months. First, it is amazing how quickly this six months has passed compared to a year ago when we were waiting for a referral. Six months then seemed to last an eternity!

Second, I have come to realize something about the attaching process. I'm sure this will sound very obvious to most of you, but it really is something I wish I would have accepted when we first brought Isaiah home.

This "Aha idea" is that attachment takes time. I expected it to happen all at once, but I wish I had realized it just wouldn't. This seems so obvious; however, I really wanted to see "attaching" immediately. Now, I feel silly that I had these expectations. Or, maybe I just wanted it all to be super easy. I think I wanted to think that I would do everything perfectly so Isaiah would attach right away to us. But, some things just take time. It takes time to establish new patterns and trust. The other day, we were playing "This little piggy" with Isaiah's toes, and I remembered those first few days when we entertained him with this new game. Everything was new to him back in September, but now, he knows what to expect because we have done it so many times. The same thing is true with eating. Now, when we sit down at the table for a meal, he immediately starts chanting, "Pray, pray!" He knows that is what has to happen before we eat, and he is ready to do it. Night time is also a sweet time. We read our Bible story with the kids, pray, and give bedtime hugs and kisses. He has grown to love this time on the couch with our whole family, and I love to see how he knows the routine and plays his part on cue, giving each person their hug and kiss.

Yesterday, I was blessed to get a day away on a women's retreat. When I came home, Isaiah came running, arms outstretched, yelling, "Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!" I don't have to tell you how sweet it was to have a fresh reminder that time has led to some major attaching. It was so different than this picture when he came tentatively to us in Ethiopia. I'm so thankful God led us through those first days to this very sweet place.

Readoption

About a week ago, we had an appointment at the court house to finalize Isaiah's adoption. Of course, the appointment landed on a day of snow and wind; however, I was not going to miss it! To make matters worse, Jackson was sick with what eventually turned into Strep Throat. Oops!
Technically, Isaiah's adoption is finalized; however, we needed to get an American birth certificate and legally change his name. So, we braved all the elements and headed out.

We quickly found out that we are so glad we live in Kansas! All we had to do was make an appointment with the probate office on the 9th floor. We spent about an hour in the office with a very nice lady named Kathy who filled out most of the paperwork for us. We paid $61.50 to file everything, gave her a bag of chocolates, waited for the judge to sign the papers, and that was it!

The judge was super nice and interrupted his court to let us take a picture.

Honestly, after everything else we have done in this adoption process, it seemed a little anti-climactic, but I guess that is o.k.! We are one step closer to being finished with paper work! Now, we are waiting for the birth certificate to arrive so that we can visit the Social Security office and get him a number.

The Rest of the Story

After my last post, I have wanted to follow up with "the rest of the story". After bringing Isaiah home, those first few weeks--even months--were just tough. I felt emotions I didn't think were possible, and I thought things I never would have imagined would move through my brain. Honestly, it was a scary time, and I think fear moved me to the darker places because I thought we were going to stay in that place forever. (It's amazing how you can lose perspective when you are in the middle of a panic-inducing situation!) Fortunately, our time in that place was very short.

Before I forget, I do want to share some of the things that helped me move out of the places of fear and guilt. First, I think time just had to play its course. Isaiah had to grieve, and we had to let him. This just wasn't a pretty time. If you have adopted, especially a child older than an infant, you know. If you haven't, just take my word for it. It is ugly. But, it is also necessary.

Second, I needed constant reassurance. When I say constant, I mean daily--and many times hourly. I am serious! If you are going through this stage, find people who can encourage you regularly.

Third, I needed to know that my struggles were normal and that it wouldn't last forever.

Fourth, I needed to be told that I should stop evaluating at the end of each day. My friend (and cousin) Kim told me that it was definitely too early to be evaluating if we had reached "success". She suggested waiting until the 3-month mark, and then re-visiting only every 3 months. This was good for me because I tend to need to reach perfection immediately. I hear some of you laughing. I know. Remember last post when I mentioned having some very unrealistic goals? Yep.

Fifth, I needed to relax and just find ways to enjoy Isaiah. I worked at being intentional at playing with him and finding any and all ways to make him laugh/smile.

Sixth, I needed breaks. I don't think I took enough breaks at the beginning, and it wore me out.

So, the "rest of the story" is that there wasn't a magical day where everything just fit into place. Yes, I think I still held out hope that this would be the case, but we all know that isn't realistic. Really, each day brought a small improvement. And each day, I felt closer and closer to him as I chose to engage and love him.

Boy, the past four months have been intense, just because I had to lay down my days for Isaiah. That was hard, but it has turned out to be so sweet. Who couldn't be melted by these big, brown eyes?! I really don't want to trivialize the process and say that a cute face made it all better. But, the blessing in all of this is that we really do have a great kid on our hands. Isaiah is full of life, spunk(!) and smiles. I think our family grew because we were faced with a decision to commit 100%, and I hope we will love more deeply because of it. I hope we have all learned that just because it is hard at the beginning, it won't always be that difficult.So, to repeat what I have said before, I would choose this over and over. Even with the hard that came with it, Isaiah was 100% worth it.

Lead Me

I have been wanting/needing to write this post for a few months now, but it was just tough for me to do it. You see, when you are in a tough place, it is hard to broadcast it. Then, when you feel like you are coming out of it, it isn't that appealing to re-live it all again! But, I want to remember what I have learned, so here it goes. Please understand I am going to be as transparent as possible, so some of what I say is definitely "ugly". I know it, but I want to give an accurate picture of what I experienced.

Prior to bringing Isaiah home, I was so excited. I felt bonded to him, even before we met him in August. I loved everything about adoption. I loved how we were getting to take part in God's bigger plan. I loved feeling like we were getting "uncomfortable" for Jesus' sake. I was ready for it, and I was excited for it. During our period of waiting for a referral, my heart felt very uncomfortable, and I thought that was our sacrifice. That is the "uncomfortableness" to which God called us. Once the waiting was over and we had seen Isaiah's face, I almost felt a sense of relief. The uncomfortable part was over. (I'm not sure I consciously thought that, but I think I definitely felt it.)

I had read about post-adoption depression, but I didn't pay much attention. I was a mom of three other biological children. I had suffered a bit of post-partum depression with my first but reasoned that much of that was due to hormones. So, I wasn't worried because I knew there wouldn't be any hormonal imbalances with an adoption! I also wasn't worried about bonding. Like I mentioned above, I felt bonded to Isaiah before we even saw him in person. My heart ached for him, and I could not wait to bring him home to put him in his rightful place as our son.

Fast forward to September. The day finally came to go get him. While we were in Ethiopia, he started his grieving process, and many tantrums/fits started. Again, I felt fairly confident that we could love him through his grief. We arrived home September 24, and we were so excited to be in our familiar world. Now, we would for sure flourish!

The next three weeks were hard! I had heard this from other adoptive parents, but I just couldn't grasp what "really hard" meant. :) What it meant for us was this:
1. Major fits around sleeping time. (This means thrashing, screaming, crying, head-butting)
2. Figuring out how to communicate with each other.
3. Waking up in the middle of the night.
4. Having a baby sleeping in our room.
5. Teaching Isaiah to "like" our foods.
6. Feelings of insecurity about how we were parenting Isaiah. This was a BIG one!!!
7. Loss of freedom--I now had a permanent attachment to my leg!
8. I'm sure a lot of other things I am thankfully forgetting!

O.k. So, after three weeks of this, I have to admit that I was struggling. I felt exactly like I did when I suffered through post-partum. I didn't feel "gooey" feelings toward Isaiah. There were a lot of times I didn't like him--or at least his behavior. This really shocked me. Actually, it freaked me out. Where were all of those "gooey" feelings I had had before we met him? I think was was bonded to the idea of Isaiah; however, when I had a screaming toddler on my hands who took away all of my freedoms and comforts, I was definitely rocked. I have to admit that I wished God had only called us to sponsor orphans instead of actually adopting one.

The worst part of all of this was that I felt so guilty about it. I felt so ashamed. After all, most of what I had read on blogs was about how "easy" adoption was. O.K. This isn't true. But, what I had remembered at the time was all the stories of how it was easy. Or, I just didn't think that "really hard" for others would have meant this! I wasn't supposed to be the one who was struggling to bond. I thought it would have been Isaiah. And, I was an experienced mom. I knew that 1 1/2 year-olds were like this. Why was this so hard?

So, the next few months were filled with a lot of letters to my cousin who has adopted twice and searching other blogs for evidence that I wasn't the only one. I just had to know if I was crazy. What I found out was I am not. Actually, I think I am pretty normal. Transition is hard--even for experienced moms. I just didn't realize. And, I had very unrealistic expectations.
But, here is the upside of all of this. First, Isaiah transitioned beautifully. He is an amazing little boy. He has embraced all of us, and he really does seem like he is just a "normal" kid. We all love him, and we are so thankful God has brought him to be a part of our family. We would never do it different, and we will continue to hope and pray more people adopt.
Second, God has taught me a beautiful lesson. A couple of weeks ago, we were singing in church. We started singing Hillsong's "Lead Me to the Cross". Here it is if you want to listen.


When we started singing,
"Everything I once held dear, I count it all as lost
Lead me to the Cross where your love poured out.
Bring me to my knees, Lord, I lay me down.
Rid me of myself, I belong to you
Oh, lead me. . .",
I about fell down.

Were we really asking God to rid us of ourselves, to bring us to our knees? I had just lived this, and it wasn't really fun. Really. But, I also see how I had some self-reliance issues, wanting to be in charge, and this was a bit of a blind spot. Luckily, God knows. But He wants more for me. He wants me to lay myself down. He wants my life to be about His plans for my life--not my own plans.

When God asked us to adopt over two years ago, He knew that we would be challenged on so many levels. I thought it was all over once we brought Isaiah home, but I have a feeling it is just beginning. And, I am o.k. with that. And I still choose to sing, "Lead me, Jesus."

A Crazy Week

This week was a crazy week. It started off with some minor surgery for Isaiah. He had developed a large cist on the top of his head, so the doctor wanted to take it off. It ended up being a big pocket of puss, so she had to put a tube in the top of his head to drain it off. We are not sure what caused this in the first place, but we are praying it doesn't return.Then, Chris and I went to our church's leadership party. We got "all dressed up" to fit in with the Redneck theme. :) It was fun, especially when we arrived to see the redneck weddin' cake! We entertained ourselves with toilet seat horseshoes and spam-carving games. :)
Tonight, we were sooooo excited to go greet Brenda and Elias at the airport. They were getting home from Ethiopia. (Amanda, I loved the posters so much that we re-used them!)

Sydney and Jackson holding the posters!

Isaiah and Jude getting acquainted. (Yes, both from Ethiopia!)

The crowd getting ready for the grand appearance!

Here they are!

Isaiah was hogging the camera! (You can see the drain on top of his head.)

Talking to my sweet friend. I am so glad she is home--with Elias!

Our Ethiopian population is growing here in Wichita!

Orphan Sunday

Tomorrow is Orphan Sunday. Unfortunately, half of our family got sick tonight, so we could not host our event. We will try to reschedule soon!

Several years ago, I never would have thought we would adopt. The financial implications of adopting scared us silly, and I just never thought we needed to adopt. But God had other plans. He showed us that we did need to adopt. Just because we had been able to have three biological kids and we had a "picture-perfect" family (at least we thought we did!), our hearts needed to grow to know more about God's love for us. We needed to put our faith into action. We needed to learn to trust God for more than what we control. And, a little boy named Isaiah needed a family. So now, I want to just post another video that highlights the need for orphan care. It is emotional, and some might argue that it plays on people's emotions. That is probably true. But, the issue is emotional. And, we can do something to help. All of us are not called to adopt. But, we are all called to do something. And, who knows, maybe you are being called to adopt. Or foster. Or support someone else who is adopting. Or sponsor a child who will grow up in an orphanage. Or mentor a fatherless teen in a local middle school.

Hope is Fading – Orphan Sunday from Allan Rosenow on Vimeo.

Orphan Sunday Event--on Saturday!

Why Love Orphans? from Christian Alliance for Orphans on Vimeo.

This Saturday, Chris and I will be hosting an Orphan Event to recognize Orphan Sunday. We would love to have you join us Saturday from 6:00-8:00 p.m.

We will have cookies, a video, and a time to pray for orphans across the world.
Anyone is welcome. If you can, just bring cookies to share. :)

Alaska to Africa

My sister and her husband, Melissa and Pat, are some of the most talented people I know. What makes it even sweeter is that they have a passion to use their talents to help others.

If you are looking for a great Christmas gift for someone, consider these amazing crosses they make. They are beautiful. They also make amazing metal Africas (and other countries). Here is ours! To make this even more fun, if you help them spread the word by linking them to your blog or facebook, you will be entered into a contest for this free cross! FUN! So, go to their blog, http://teakells.blogspot.com/, to link and order!

All proceeds go to help those in need in Africa. I love it!!! Make your shopping a little more meaningful this holiday season.

First Family Moments with Isaiah and Saying Goodbye to Aunt Melli

I can't reiterate how good it was to be home. While we were in Ethiopia, it was difficult to know how much to start establishing our own routines. We pretty much decided to just wait until we got home for most of that. So, when we arrived home, it felt like we could finally start being Isaiah's Mommy and Daddy.

The kids were so excited to have him home--finally! They have been praying and waiting with us for almost two years which is a long time for kids who are 10 years and younger. This is a significant percent of their lives! I heard that Raegan became an expert balloon-blower-upper as they worked to decorate our house. :)

Sydney made pancakes for our first morning home.

Isaiah's first breakfast!

I wish I had taken more pictures of those first days; however, it was just a little crazy. We were all adjusting to having another member of the family. So, lots of pictures didn't get taken! Here are a few I have:
During these days, I was so fortunate to have my sister helping. She stayed for an extra week, and I was so thankful for her presence! She stepped in to help with the other three kids, and she was my constant encourager during this time of crazy transition. I will blog about this more later, but I will say that I was so sad to have her leave. She is a selfless aunt to my kids--and all her nieces and nephews--and we are so blessed to have her in our lives. It is hard to have her live so far away --in Alaska!--but we are also blessed because when she comes, it is for chunks of quality time. As a quality time person, I love that!
So yes. The day quickly came when I had to say goodbye to my little sister. In a way, I hated that she had to be around me during a tough time. I wasn't a lot of fun, and there was a lot of hard stuff that she had to witness. At the same time, I was selfishly thankful that she was there because she truly helped me through each of those tough transitions. I'm so thankful that I could be real--and not always so pretty--and she still loved and encouraged me.
I love her so, and I am so glad she already has plane tickets to come back in December!