The Rest of the Story

After my last post, I have wanted to follow up with "the rest of the story". After bringing Isaiah home, those first few weeks--even months--were just tough. I felt emotions I didn't think were possible, and I thought things I never would have imagined would move through my brain. Honestly, it was a scary time, and I think fear moved me to the darker places because I thought we were going to stay in that place forever. (It's amazing how you can lose perspective when you are in the middle of a panic-inducing situation!) Fortunately, our time in that place was very short.

Before I forget, I do want to share some of the things that helped me move out of the places of fear and guilt. First, I think time just had to play its course. Isaiah had to grieve, and we had to let him. This just wasn't a pretty time. If you have adopted, especially a child older than an infant, you know. If you haven't, just take my word for it. It is ugly. But, it is also necessary.

Second, I needed constant reassurance. When I say constant, I mean daily--and many times hourly. I am serious! If you are going through this stage, find people who can encourage you regularly.

Third, I needed to know that my struggles were normal and that it wouldn't last forever.

Fourth, I needed to be told that I should stop evaluating at the end of each day. My friend (and cousin) Kim told me that it was definitely too early to be evaluating if we had reached "success". She suggested waiting until the 3-month mark, and then re-visiting only every 3 months. This was good for me because I tend to need to reach perfection immediately. I hear some of you laughing. I know. Remember last post when I mentioned having some very unrealistic goals? Yep.

Fifth, I needed to relax and just find ways to enjoy Isaiah. I worked at being intentional at playing with him and finding any and all ways to make him laugh/smile.

Sixth, I needed breaks. I don't think I took enough breaks at the beginning, and it wore me out.

So, the "rest of the story" is that there wasn't a magical day where everything just fit into place. Yes, I think I still held out hope that this would be the case, but we all know that isn't realistic. Really, each day brought a small improvement. And each day, I felt closer and closer to him as I chose to engage and love him.

Boy, the past four months have been intense, just because I had to lay down my days for Isaiah. That was hard, but it has turned out to be so sweet. Who couldn't be melted by these big, brown eyes?! I really don't want to trivialize the process and say that a cute face made it all better. But, the blessing in all of this is that we really do have a great kid on our hands. Isaiah is full of life, spunk(!) and smiles. I think our family grew because we were faced with a decision to commit 100%, and I hope we will love more deeply because of it. I hope we have all learned that just because it is hard at the beginning, it won't always be that difficult.So, to repeat what I have said before, I would choose this over and over. Even with the hard that came with it, Isaiah was 100% worth it.